In this era of movies released directly to video or pay-per-view, there are times you’re startled by the actors involved in said features.  If memory serves and strictly going by that memory, I can think of direct to video/pay-per-view films featuring among others Bruce WIllis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Hugh Jackman, Charlize Theron, Samuel Jackson, Kevin Bacon, Kurt Russell, Nichole Kidman, and Nicholas Cage (ok, perhaps this one is expected).

The 2013 film Killing Season was released to theaters in the U.S. (and, according to IMDB grossed a whopping $27,713 in its apparently very limited release) but, for all intents and purposes, it is another of these direct-to-video/pay-per-view features in my mind.

The only thing that distinguishes it from so much other forgotten fare is the fact that it stars Robert De Niro and John Travolta.

While its tempting to say something along the lines of “my, how the mighty have fallen,” especially when I’m feeling like cutting to the chase and noting Killing Season is almost complete crap, the movie’s conclusion nonetheless makes you see what might have interested these two recognizable stars’ participation in this almost comically silly project.

The plot goes like this: Benjamin Ford (Robert De Niro) is a veteran soldier -and pretty much a walking cliche- who lives a stoic, solitary existence in a cabin in the woods.  His son’s baby is about to be baptized and he wants Ford to come see the child but, being all stoic and unemotional and what-not, Ford puts them off.  Clearly he’s fighting demons related to some traumatic event in his previous life and that has driven him away from people, just like all good stoically-cliched characters are want to do.

When his jeep conks out while driving off into the woods one rainy night, Ford encounters a man walking alone who offers to help start the jeep.  The man, Emil Kovac (John Travolta, sporting what looks like spray painted jet black hair while speaking in an accent that would make Borat proud) gets the jeep running and Ford drives off.

However, the stoic unemotional man stops, backs up, and offers Kovac a ride.  They go to his cabin in the woods, talk about good times, and drink down waaaaay too much liquor.  In the morning, they head into the woods to hunt deer.  Turns out Kovac is good with arrows, just like Ford.

While on their hunting expedition, Kovac’s true intentions are revealed.  He hunts and captures Ford and then tortures him.  He claims to want Ford to reveal his sins.

While the opening minutes of the film are almost interminable -filled with cliches and the type of danger that everyone but the protagonist can see coming- it is this section of the film that becomes unintentionally hilarious.  To wit, this is how the film goes:

Kovacs captures and tortures Ford.  Ford escapes and captures and tortures Kovacs.  Kovacs escapes and captures and tortures Ford some more.  Ford escapes and captures Kovacs and…

I’m being dead serious here.

After a while, it was like watching an old Wile Coyote/Road Runner cartoon, except in this case we had two Wile Coyotes banging their heads against each other and inflicting as much pain as they can.  Adding to the craziness is the amount of injury each sustain in their encounters.  Very conveniently these injuries, in particular the ones Ford receives, seal themselves and their characters somehow doesn’t bleed out during the course of the night.

As if you didn’t know by now, Kovacs is a one-time Serbian soldier and Ford was in Bosnia during the war and the two share a common experience from that deadly time.

As downright stupid as most of this film is and as I mentioned above, I found the very ending, which comes after a particularly idiotic scene involving Ford pulling out old shrapnel from his leg and using it as a weapon (I can’t make this stuff up!), offers us the best and only part of this work I somewhat enjoyed even though it too was so much silly fantasy.  I don’t mind SPOILING things here because I doubt there are many out there dying to see this film.

Anyway, the movie’s ending has our one-time adversaries forgiving each other and finally moving on with their lives.

There.

I’ve just saved you ninety minutes of your life.

In sum, even if you’re a fan of Robert De Niro and/or John Travolta, seeing them face off against each other in the supremely silly Killing Season is waste of your time.  Please don’t be like me.  Please just step back and forget there ever was a film named Killing Season out there.

You’ll be glad you did.